BYE BYE BULLY

Welcome back to my diary - a glimpse into the life of the ADHD family. Noah is my 12-year-old with the condition but it really affects all of us in different ways. Alice his 7-year-old sister screams every time he comes into the room which is a little over-the-top I have to admit, but it’s her way of warning me that something is probably going to happen to her detriment, such as a cushion being hurled across the room in her direction, the TV channel being changed without warning or Noah flicking bogies at her from behind the couch - what 7-year-old girl wouldn’t scream at the prospect.

Noah likes to think he is “king” in our house - he’s not, you understand, but due to his small stature and sometimes poor self-image he likes to think that there is at least one place where he can rule the roost - usually over someone smaller like his sister.

When he’s out playing though it’s a different matter - most of the children where we live are ‘nice’ - what I mean by nice is that they don’t fight (usually), they share their sweets (usually) and generally get on well with one another. All of them that is except CONNOR.

Now Connor comes from a very well-known family whose name I will not mention here for obvious reasons but whose relatives are regularly featured in “Hello“ magazine. He lives in luxury, has everything materially which a 12-year-old boy could desire, goes to the best school in the area but he’s a bully. His father believe it or not is a BOUNCER in a nightclub (we never did find out why - maybe he just enjoys the thrill of it all?????) and since we have known them has had no less than four different partners living with him and Connor - each trailing with them a couple of bewildered children and taking on the role of ‘Mum’ to the hapless Connor and that of punch-bag to the brainless father.

Now Noah - he takes no nonsense from anyone…When he’s in his own house you understand; when he’s outside, he’s all talk. In fact, if he wouldn’t talk so much he would get into far less bother I’m sure - but he has a mouth like the Mersey Tunnel and it gets him into no end of trouble. In common with many other ADHD people, Noah doesn’t know when to stop - he often misreads non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and body language, which you can imagine makes life very difficult at times. In the playground it is usually the ADHD kids who are in the wrong place at the wrong time, often getting the blame for responding to some taunt or jibe from another child who cunningly knows they will get the desired response.

Apparently Connor is jealous of Noah - they both tried for a place in the local football team and Connor didn’t make it whilst Noah did - to my utter joy I have to add - not only for him but also in the knowledge that this thug would not be playing on the same team as him.

Anyway, the family have been nothing but trouble since they arrived; the father regularly complains loudly that none of the other children will play with Connor therefore they must be snobs or ‘poofs‘! Screams abuse at anyone who defends him or herself against his darling son and (apparently) has several Samurai swords in his garage and a python in the bathroom. Nice neighbours eh?

You can imagine our delight to discover that the house was up for sale this summer and a quick sale was forthcoming - he must have hidden the Samurai and Connors python! This meant that the children could now play outside without fear of being run-over by a quad-bike or shot at with a BB gun - simple pleasures!!.

The night before the family were due to leave, Connor decided to leave what I can only imagine was his hope of a lasting impression.

Completely unprovoked (there were witnesses I should add, to say that my son’s mouth was closed!) he rode his bike at Noah, catching him on the heel and dislodging his shoe in the process. Noah is not a coward but he’s no fool - he started to run home to safety, dropped his shoe but kept on going. He arrived home breathless and tearful - I didn’t have to ask. “What’s he done and what did you say to him?” was my immediate response. Friends Matt, Rio and Becky arrived soon after and related the whole story, adding that Connor had thrown Noah’s shoe into a bush before running home. “I’m going to kill him, the big pansy,” shouted Noah to Connor now he was well out of hearing distance.

I marched round to the house - furious that he thought he could get away with this type of behaviour once again. The door wasd by the latest ‘mum’ who immediately shouted ‘Conner’ up the stairs.

“I never done nothin’!” he shouted sullenly.

After we exchanged ‘words’ - me threatening to throw his (very expensive) trainers into the nearest shrubbery and he ‘effing and blinding he hadn’t done nothing’ - we eventually came to an agreement. He found Noah’s shoe or he lost both of his - No Contest.

As the removal van pulled slowly out of The Evergreens you could almost hear the very tarmac heaving a sigh of relief!!

Until next time,

Jan

Jan Assheton RGN RSCN is an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Coach and Learning Mentor and the mother of a child with ADHD. She will be sharing the benefits of her personal and professional experience every two weeks.

See Jan's book recommendations!

Read Jan's previous diary

Healing ADD: The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the 6 Types of ADD
by Dr. Daniel G. Amen

Jan describes this book as: "innovative & ground-breaking as well as informative, speaks truly from the heart as it is written by the father of two ADHD kids"