CHRISTMAS

Christmas is over and 2002 upon us – I hope you had a good one! We are still recovering from the shock of my (seventy year-old) parents deserting us for the holidays and heading for Florida! (My father has such a positive influence on Noah - I think it’s because they’re so alike - and we could really do with having him around over the holidays!) I can’t believe that our Christmas tree remained standing, with all the lights working (all the chocolate novelties guzzled by ‘you-know-who’) until today! By previous standards our Chirstmas was fairly good, apart from Christmas Eve…(you knew there had to be more didn’t you!)

Christmas arrived early in our house – at precisely three minutes past twelve! No, it wasn’t that Santa got stuck up the chimney - my darling son was unable to sleep. In fact he slept for precisely thirty-seven minutes between 11pm and 12am and woke in a state of high excitement at three minutes past. ‘Happy Christmas mum’ he yelled, waking his sister and father in the process!

I should explain that Noah finds it difficult to get off to sleep at the best of times; he has been on medication for sleeping since the age of six, but due to our reluctance to continue feeding yet another chemical substance into his body we had decided to try a new alternative, organic version. This does not always have the desired effect (a completely comatose child before 10pm – only joking!) as the previous medication but for now – that is until three minutes past twelve on Christmas Eve – we have decided to persevere.

I honestly do not know how we both survived that night or the following day. The fact that it happened to be Christmas made absolutely no difference to me whatsoever at 3am – I was tired, totally wound up and more and more desperate for sleep by the minute. I admit I did give him a little more medication (it IS organic) than is usually recommended for his age but even that made no difference.

I tried everything – I told him that all his presents had been moved into the garage (mistake number one) and the key was under his dad’s pillow, that he wouldn’t be having any presents until after breakfast (he sussed that one out straight away - of course I didn’t mean it!). After I had retrieved him from the garage I climbed into bed with him. It was when he started asking me to hum the second verse of ‘We Three Kings’ that I really lost it!

Those of you who do not have an ADHD child in your midst may not have the least understanding of what I did next, nor would I expect you to – I can see those of you who do nodding in sympathy as I write! At precisely 4am on Christmas Day, I gave up, staggered downstairs - drunk with sleeplessness - stared tearfully at our Christmas tree, laden with decorations made by small hands and remembered exactly what Christmas was about.

Whether it was lack of sleep or something else (please note I am not a religious or ‘spiritual’ person) but I had this tremendous feeling of what I can only describe as acceptance and peace. A strong sense of being alone, almost…’singled-out’. I felt that if I had asked for answers - ‘why me, why him, what about the future?’ - I would have had them, right then and there under the tree. For some strange reason I didn’t ask.

I remembered another mother who probably had questions on that same night so many years ago – that she knew her child was going to be different, and maybe she too felt something of a sense of loss that so many mothers of ADHD children truly feel. I remembered that Noah has a disability, that we were doing our best, that he couldn’t help the way he was and that Christmas was for him and for all children, and not for some sniffling, exhausted mother talking to herself under the Christmas tree! I could have a lie in after we hadd our presents – he wouldn’t be able to.

Noah stayed awake until 9pm on Christmas day, only once showing any sign of fatigue – we noticed that he had a few small sultanas stuck to the side of his face after dinner and suspect that he may well have nodded off into his Christmas pud!! You have to admire him!

People with ADHD do have difficulties getting off to sleep (and waking up for that matter); it is part of the condition for many. Some parents choose not to medicate their children in any way – I have the greatest admiration for these parents. I could not manage without medication for Noah even though a side effect is that it does make it even harder for him to get off to sleep at night.

It is unusual for Noah to remain awake all night, not so unusual for him to still be awake after midnight. Being a person who requires a great deal of sleep in order to bear any resemblance to a normal person I find this very difficult to cope with. The lack of sleep does have a knock-on effect the next day showing itself in increased irritability and moodiness – in both of us!

We survived that long night, as we will survive many other situations that parents of ADHD children all over the world cope with every day. It brings us closer together in a strange way.

My hopes for a peaceful, prosperous and happy 2002 go out to all my readers.

Until next time,

Jan

Read the introduction to Jan's diary.

Jan Assheton RGN RSCN is an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Coach and Learning Mentor and the mother of a child with ADHD. She will be sharing the benefits of her personal and professional experience every two weeks.