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1. Shout “Darling, have you got teddy?” across the school car park to your eleven year-old son when he’s going to stay the night with a friend. 2. Sunbathe topless. 3. If you spot someone from the telly when you’re out shopping, rush up to them and introduce yourself and your kids. 4. Be late for everything. Then make a lot of noise so everyone turns to look at you. 5. Stack your trolley high at the supermarket on a busy Saturday morning and have your card refused so everything has to be put back. 6. Don’t let them choose their own clothes. 7. Smoke. 8. Tuck your skirt into your pants. 9. Brush or smooth their hair in public. 10. Kiss.
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