ON THE PISTE

Welcome back to the world of the ADHD family – by the time you read this we should be racing down the piste towards a delicious hot chocolate, one child safely ensconced in ski school and the other happily playing in the Snow Garden on the nursery slopes. Yes, we have taken the plunge and decided to go on our first skiing holiday ‘en famille’!

You may recall that my son Noah can be a little oppositional at times – this is putting it mildly He will swear that black is white and when requested to do something in the realm of “could you pass…” a loud “NO” is the predictable response before the sentence is barely complete. Oppositional Defiance can co-occur with ADHD in varying levels and we have worked liked Trojans to minimise the effects this has on our family and also on Noah. We suspect part of this difficulty is linked to his anxieties about certain things but that another part is just, well, part of his ADHD! Whatever the cause, we tend to look towards the future and rarely if ever allow Noah’s difficulties to prevent us as a family doing the things which other families take for granted.

When Buzz (my husband) and I decided to book this holiday (reckless fools that we are!) we had to take a slightly more unusual tack in informing our children. Noah’s school regularly arranges a winter ski trip for the children – we get Disability Living Allowance for Noah (more about benefits for ADHD kids in a later instalment) and save up the money for things we would like Noah to have the opportunity to try. These things can range from a canoeing course to a day’s indoor wall climbing with some pals. Anyway, we decided to book our holiday and use the school ski trip next year as ‘bait’!!! Are you still with me?

So when Noah wafted the letter about the ski trip in my face – I feigned casual curiosity (whilst secretly burning with a desire for him to beg to go!!) and said that it looked a little expensive at just under £600.

Those of you with ADHD children will know how admirably they rise to such a challenge: 1) they just love a challenge/argument anyway for the hell of it and (more importantly) 2) they rarely, if ever, GIVE UP. That is, long after the average 12 year old would have given up on “no darling it is too expensive” they are still looking for ways for “no” to be turned into “yes” and “too expensive” into “well, alright then I’ll think about it” out of pure parental exasperation.

Now those of you without life experience of these wonderful children will not have the armoury of tricks, tactics, methods and distractions that those of us with have stored up over the years. Before the words were barely out of my mouth I could see my little darling start to take the bait. “That’s not expensive, you pay more than that for a new suit” ha ha, (embarrassed laughter on my part - just ignore him, he’s exaggerating of course!!). Or “Well, Gazza’s mum said he could go and Gruggle said his Dad would pay – so why can’t I go?”

YES!! I was winning…without much of a fight I have to say.

“Well, Dad and I will have to think about it – you did really well on the dry ski slopes last month but there’s more to skiing than that you know…” (Another tactic, another challenge.) “I can learn mum, I learn things quickly, you say so yourself.” He does, learn things quickly that is – something about the ADHD brain and survival is my theory. “Well, Dad and I were thinking about going skiing ourselves as an Easter Holiday.” I had him on the right track and it was hard not to sound smug.

I think Noah may have detected a little triumphant smile before I quickly turned back to the ironing but hey – we’ve paid the deposit(s)!! And he’s raring to go.

They have just had fresh snow in Andorra (they’ll certainly need it after we leave if the dry slope experience was anything to go by!). So – I’ll be back in a week or so with more tales of the unexpected!

Jan

Jan Assheton RGN RSCN is an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Coach and Learning Mentor and the mother of a child with ADHD. She will be sharing the benefits of her personal and professional experience every two weeks.

NEXT INSTALMENT: FRIDAY 12 APRIL