by Judy Reith

For many parents, raising their children from birth to happy, independent well-adjusted adults is the hardest job we do, and with very little support or training. It is normal for men and women to anticipate that becoming parents will be natural, enjoyable and give meaning and a purpose to their lives. Often this is true, but mum-of-three Judy Reith found the early years of being a parent much more of a burden than a joy. Her children didn’t want to listen, there were arguments and shouting, and Judy felt guilty that the two days she worked were far easier than the days she was at home with the children. Family time at the weekends was often clouded by the stress of trying to keep everyone happy. She had a home, a loving and supportive network of family and friends and an interesting part-time job, so why were the demands of motherhood such a struggle?

Judy is the kind of person who likes to fix things that go wrong and she wanted to try and ‘fix’ her family life. She began to read books and articles about parenting which helped, but it wasn’t quite the answer she was looking for. She had heard about parenting courses, but she had assumed they were for parents who were about to have their children taken into care. Further investigation into parenting courses (i.e. more nattering with other mothers) persuaded Judy to sign up.

The course was run by an experienced facilitator who very quickly put everyone at ease by explaining that all families are different, and that there is no such thing as The Perfect Parent. The emphasis was about support and empathy, combined with new ideas to try at home to cope with everyday situations, such as the regular arguments associated with getting out of the door to school. The facilitator was there to guide us through the course, and although there was time for our own issues, we gradually discovered how to resolve things for ourselves without being given ‘textbook’ answers. The course looked at self-esteem, language, (communication) dealing with feelings, and setting limits in a confidential group setting. Going on a parenting course helped to give Judy new skills to communicate effectively with the children without shouting and choices about discipline issues. The support from other parents in the group and the guidance from the facilitator helped Judy to feel accepted and affirmed as a mother rather than judged. Her children began to comment that ‘Mummy wasn’t shouting anymore’ and many of the regular battles were either resolved, or less problematic as Judy learnt to be more relaxed and to use more effective methods of communication.

The positive differences to the Reith family from Judy doing a parenting course were so significant that she went on to train as a facilitator with Parent Network, and she ran courses in London before moving to Cambridge last year.

“I want to help as many parents and carers as possible to see that a parenting course is for everybody; it’s just as good an idea as going to ante-natal classes. There is no such thing as the perfect parent, and yet we all worry so much about how our children will turn out and sometimes we feel ashamed to admit how tough it is. Parents who have attended the courses have seen some really positive changes for them and their families.”

Judy Reith, 41, married to Adrian and mother to three daughters, was trained by Parent Network (now part of Parentline Plus) to deliver their parenting courses. She is currently setting up a parenting company in Cambridge offering courses, support and guidance to Mums and Dads. For more information, you can contact Judy through her site, www.parentingpeople.com.