THE WHOLE CHILD

As the weather starts to improve, life becomes somewhat calmer in the Assheton household. Noah (my 12 year old with ADHD) spends so much time outside I almost forget what he looks like! Having so much energy he bounds out of the front door as soon as he has hurriedly pulled together something which slightly resembles homework, shouting, "What time do you want me back?" Now, those amongst you with ADHD children will have some idea of what flits though my mind before I quickly respond with "7pm for your medi…" before he is out of hearing distance.

It's not that we don't adore our son, it's just that he is SUCH HARD WORK!! We love his boundless energy; we hate that he prowls and paces around the house on rainy days - looking for 'challenges'! We truly admire the spontaneous creativity he shows but we have a strong aversion to the chaos, mess and disorganisation that surrounds his latest 'project'; whether in his room or in the garage, at some point or another we are bound to trip over a carelessly placed, splinter-ridden piece of wood or a spiky nail-embedded 'creation' lurking in either of these places. We stand back in awe of his tenacity when faced with a challenge on the playstation or computer but we hate the way he becomes completely over-focused on a game, unable to tear himself away and displaying angry outburst when forced to do so. We are proud of his success in sport, the way he has a natural affinity with almost any sport he tries; we have great difficulty when he leaves his kit in his bag for two weeks, moans because it hasn't been washed and wears it anyway! He displays a very un-sporting (Gazza-like) attitude to losing, or refuses to get up on Saturday for a match because he's tired! We fall over helplessly with laughter at his perfect mimicry of a variety of recognisable characters, but feel sadness and despair when he fails to show a scrap of sympathy towards the needs of others, seeming almost to have a true deficit in this area.

All of these 'parts' of Noah go to make up the whole child. There are some parts we would happily do without but then it wouldn't be Noah - as I often say to him when he gets fed up with having to take his Ritalin, this is just a small part of you - the very essence of you will never change, the part that has been there ever since you were a soft, pink baby, the part of you that goes on, and on through time and change, through good and bad. That is the part we want to hold onto, the part we want to nurture and cherish for what it is - not to try to change it but to accept it and guide it until our job is finished and we let it fly free. I guess some would call it his spirit and boy does he have plenty!

His most recent 'project' involved his new bike. Some Smart Alec suggested that if he removed the chain-guard and reflectors it would look more 'sporty' or some such other cool word. Well, remove the chain-guard he did - has now lost all the bits that he needs to put it back on and comes home with his trousers smeared in oil on a regular basis. I now insist he wears shorts - that is until he replaces the chain-guard - plus really un-cool reflectors on his arms when riding after 8pm...

Until next time,

Jan

Jan Assheton RGN RSCN is an Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) Coach and Learning Mentor and the mother of a child with ADHD. She will be sharing the benefits of her personal and professional experience every two weeks.

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