The recent furore in Parliament over the move to make smacking a criminal offence illustrates the conflicting opinions held by parents, politicians and lobby groups on the subject of child discipline. In the end, a compromise was reached and MPs agreed to outlaw smacking which leaves a physical mark or causes mental harm, but to accept as ‘reasonable chastisement’ any smack that could be described as ‘mild’ or ‘light’. Clearly, these judgements are highly subjective and very difficult to measure or monitor. They also leave unanswered the underlying question of whether physical punishment, in any form, is an effective or constructive means of disciplining a child.

Many parents feel daunted - and even defeated - by the challenge of keeping their charges on the straight and narrow and may find themselves in situations where they feel the need to assert their authority in order to maintain some level of control. The cumulative effects of sleep deprivation, squabbling siblings, domestic drudgery and any number of other pressures can wear away the patience and ability of parents to think calmly and creatively in the heat of the moment. In such a situation, smacking may seem the only option they have left.

In addition to the many dozens of books written on the thorny subject of disciplining children, there is a good range of clear and sensible guidance available to parents online. In this BBC report of a ‘head-to-head’ between representatives of the Christian Institute and the NSPCC, the NSPCC policy advisor points out that ‘mild’ physical chastisement does not necessarily work and has a tendency to escalate into something more serious. There is also ample evidence of the negative effect that it can have on a child’s self-esteem.

Parentline Plus is a national charity which aims to give families other options by providing understanding and support through their workshops and courses. Parents with specific concerns can also contact them by email or call their freephone helpline (0808 800 2222). Their tips and hints on alternatives to smacking place the emphasis on positive discipline as a way of discouraging undesirable behaviour. In much the same spirit, PositiveParenting.com in the US publishes a practical feature offering suggestions of ‘9 Things to do instead of Spanking’.

Another useful source of information for parents is the NFPI (National Family and Parenting Institute) whose Parent Services Directory provides a comprehensive database of online parenting and family support services across every region of England and Wales. Their spin-off Parents’ website e-parents.org is also worth a visit.

It is interesting that discipline should be associated in so many people’s minds with the idea of punishment. The parenting section of the BBC website defines it as ‘teaching your child to behave in a way that fits with your family rules and is widely socially acceptable’. In other words, it is more about helping children gradually to acquire self-control and self-discipline rather than coercing them into following a set of rules out of a sense of fear of what might happen if they do not. The BBC offers advice on how to handle discipline issues with children of all ages, starting with toddlers and moving on to primary school children and teens. They also weigh up the pros and cons of rewards, bribes and star charts as incentives for good behaviour.

In an article on the BUPA website aimed at parents of eight year olds and under, entitled How can I discipline my child fairly and lovingly?, consistency is the watchword. Parentline Plus has an information section for parents called Through the ages which looks at the issues that crop up at each stage of child development and singles out 9-13 years, as phase when children are particularly inclined to question rules and challenge authority.

Although parents clearly need to allow their approach to their children’s behaviour to evolve and mellow as they get older, these broad principles of positive discipline still seem to hold good:

• Try to set a good example - children will seek to emulate your behaviour, both good and bad
• Make a point of praising a child who has behaved well so that they do not feel they have to behave badly to get attention
• Establish a reasonable set of rules and routines with children and explain why they exist, but be prepared to review them as appropriate
• Be as relaxed as you can about little things while remaining firm over important issues
• It helps to be realistic about a child’s capacities and limits and humorous/honest when they – or you – get it wrong

One of the benefits of reading up on the subject and hearing the battle stories of other parents is that it allows you to put your own experiences into perspective. It can also flag up situations when your child steps significantly out of line or may be in need of extra support. The Royal College of Psychiatrists produces a series of fact sheets under the heading ‘Mental Health and Growing Up’ with a very balanced overview Good Parenting. Young minds, a charity dedicated to looking after the mental health of children and young people, has a useful Index for Parents which includes parenting guidance plus a Parents’ Information Service with a free, confidential helpline ). Aware of the difficult conditions in which many families are trying to raise children, they have produced a detailed and valuable document called Looking after ourselves: the demands of being a parent which acknowledges the critical importance of the health and well-being of parents if they are going to do their job to the best of their ability.

Good luck!